I just found out my husband whom I’ve been married to for 9 yrs has been cheating for over a year with another man. When I confronted him about it after evidence been shown to me about the affair being true, he admitted to it but also said he doesn’t want to end it as he enjoys the other man’s company. What should I do?


It is important to recognize that you’ve just found out your husband has been having an affair over the last year or more. That’s a lot to take in by itself. 

Learning about any affair, especially when your husband want to end it, is enormously stressful and often impact sleeping, eating, parenting and daily functioning. Let’s make that clear first. If you don’t begin to prioritize your own health during this period, you’ll be in poor shape to think through this situation as clearly as you need to do it.

It is likely that there is a lot you don’t know, because it’s possible that your husband isn’t sure either. All he might know is that he has strong feelings for this man and doesn’t want to stop being around him. 

Often people focus on your husband’s sexual orientation or affectionate preferences. Is he gay? Is he bisexual? I think those answers will come in time, but right now, you know that you have been deceived for more than a year by a man you’ve been married to for 9 years. Let that part sink in. That’s the hurt. Those are the feelings of betrayal. Forget trying to figure out his sexual orientation and focus on exploring whether he wants you to heal from the affair.

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