Originally published December 2021
Revised December 23, 2025
You may already be managing stress in your relationship, and now the holidays can bring on even more. I asked our relationship experts how couples can better manage these challenges and enjoy this time of year! They offered these tips on how to survive the holidays with your partner and grow in your relationship.
1. Be kind
During the holidays, there are often many different reasons to be frustrated, angry, and bitter. Being depressed or just overstressed from the holidays can tend to make us more short-tempered, resulting in us lashing out.
It can be easy to say things that we wish we hadn’t said once they come out of our mouths. So, finding ways to prevent that is important.
When hurtful thoughts are on your tongue, step away and excuse yourself from the situation if you can. Take six deep breaths, and when you are calm, return to the situation only then.
Then, you can go back and try to make up and be gentler. Try to put a positive spin on what you are dealing with rather than letting your anger bottle up.
Don’t forget to be kind to yourself, too. We are often not kind to ourselves if we are angry and short-tempered. It’s essential to be sure you are kind to yourself and to those around you.
2. Handling money during the holidays
During the holidays, money can often cause stress and more arguments between you and your partner. You and your partner may disagree or have different perspectives on your money situation during (and after) the holidays.
You both may have different thoughts about what gifts represent and different traditions that you would want to carry on. But it’s important to discuss these different perspectives and opinions on budgeting and the holidays.
Even after discussing your different thoughts, you may still not agree. But at least you can come to a deeper understanding of why your partner believes in that specific perspective on the holidays or why it is so important to them. You can then appreciate why they feel the way they do, and they can do the same for you and your perspectives. You can have mutual respect and appreciation for each other’s opinions.
3. Avoiding arguments about family
Pay special attention to how you handle arguments about family members. They can be very common between couples, even those in the healthiest relationships.
Too often, pointed language toward a partner’s family members can hurt and upset that partner. This leads to a heated argument and unnecessary stress at this time of year.
This pointed language can come off as a criticism of that family member, which can be hurtful to your partner and cause tension in your relationship.
How can you avoid this?
A way to avoid this cause of arguments is to shift your perspective to one of learning. Look at your partner’s family in a new light and with a learning mindset. Pretend as if you are getting to know them for the first time, even if you have known them for years.
Shifting our perspective to a learning perspective allows us to take away common biases that have grown over the years and see our partner’s family differently.
This also helps you remove judgments and see them from an understanding point of view. You will end up showing them more love and compassion. This results in your heart growing fonder of your in-laws, which also helps your relationship with your partner grow closer.
This new perspective lets you understand your partner’s family’s background, what causes them to do what they do, why they believe what they believe, and more. Even though this may be different from what you believe, you can still have an understanding of them.
4. Finish those arguments
Keep that learning perspective in mind when we discuss the next tip… If you often have the same argument with your partner, finish it!
Even if that argument occurred weeks or months ago, you may have new insights, emotions, or perspectives. That is something that should be touched on and discussed.
Too often, arguments are viewed from a negative perspective. We think how horrible the argument is and don’t want to open it back up. However, some new feelings and emotions should be addressed.
Shifting to a learning perspective will help you work through what the argument is about. How can you learn about yourself from this argument? What can you learn about your partner from this argument? What can you learn about your relationship?
A growth perspective can help you and your partner determine what you can learn from the situation.
Try opening that conversation back up with your partner. Share your new realization and want to share it with them. Ask how they might feel about discussing the situation again and how discussing it might help you grow together.
This can help you learn something about yourself as an individual and as a couple. Look at it using a growth mindset and a learning mindset. This will help you share and bond more as a couple.
If this issue is particularly charged for the two of you, you may wish to talk to a relationship coach first.
5. Mentally rehearse typical stressors
Try not to overdo things at this time of year, which can happen too easily for many people. Ask for help rather than trying to do things on your own. There is no need to go above and beyond and make yourself more miserable.
Don’t allow yourself to get tired, irritable, or overwhelmed, as this will prevent you from enjoying the holidays. If visiting family is a known stressor, have an agreement in advance about how you both will deal with it.
You may need to rehearse and plan for predictably irritating relatives. Ensure you have a friend to complain to… but don’t complain about your marriage.
Just having someone with whom you can speak and express your feelings will help you work through your stressors.
6. Manage your self-care
Showing yourself some self-care is extremely important at this time of year and will definitely impact your relationship.
If you drink or eat too much, keeping your end of the deal might become more difficult. So remember to consider this, and it may not help you manage the stressors that come your way during the holidays.
Be on purpose and set appropriate boundaries for yourself. This means watching your alcohol intake. The effect of too much alcohol during the holiday season can hurt your relationship, and you both want to be on your best behavior until New Year’s Day.
Have a frank discussion with your partner about how you can refrain from using too much alcohol as stress relief. You don’t want to end up with heated arguments later or deal with the impact of bad choices made at the moment.
Take time for some self-care in other ways. Find ways that you can relieve stress for yourself and as a couple. Maybe that looks like taking a short nap or watching a movie instead of running to the next event.
Make your self-care a priority and it will make a difference in your relationship.
7. Be in the moment
At every moment, try to have a good time no matter the circumstances.
The holidays may offer dozens of entertaining little distractions, so embrace them! Have gratitude for little pleasures with your kids, your family, perfect strangers, and (of course) your partner!
