15 Amazing Research-Based Relationship Questions to Ask Before You Get Married.
We all want to know the best questions to ask before you get married.
Everyone wants to decide, and not slide into marriage.
The Science of Relationships Blog is staffed by some of the best relationship researchers publishing today. I came across an incredible list of 15 questions to ask before you get married (or go into couples therapy for that matter).
I am a huge fan of their work and I encourage all of my readers to follow them as well.
What I love about these questions is that, for the curious, each question has a link to the specific research which informs the question.
Because of the links to the relevant research, these 15 questions to ask before you get married are powerful science-based questions.
I also think these are important questions for couples to ask at any point in their relationship.
These questions get to the very heart of what science tells us are the most important factors in relationship success.
These 15 questions could also be questions to ask before you consider any change in your relationship. These questions can encourage deep and powerful conversations that can offer clarity and confidence to the decisions you will make about your life-partner.
These are important questions. Consider each question and answer truthfully with a simple yes or no response:
15 Research-based Relationship Questions to Ask Before You Get Married… or Go into Couples Therapy.
- Does your partner make you a better person, and do you do the same for them?
- Are you and your partner both comfortable with sharing feelings, relying on each other, being close, and able to avoid worrying about the other person leaving?
- Do you and your partner accept each other for who you are, without trying to change each other?
- When disagreements arise, do you and your partner communicate respectfully and without contempt or negativity?
- Do you and your partner share decision-making, power, and influence in the relationship?
- Is your partner your best friend, and are you theirs?
- Do you and your partner think more in terms of “we” and “us,” rather than “you” and “I”?
- Would you and your partner trust each other with the passwords to social media and bank accounts?
- Do you and your partner have good opinions of each other – without having an overinflated positive view?
- Do your close friends, as well as your partner’s, think you have a great relationship that will stand the test of time?
- Is your relationship free of red flags like cheating, jealousy and controlling behavior?
- Do you and your partner share the same values when it comes to politics, religion, the importance of marriage, the desire to have kids (or not) and how to parent?
- Are you and your partner willing to sacrifice your own needs, desires, and goals for each other (without being a doormat)?
- Do you and your partner both have agreeable and emotionally stable personalities?
- Are you and your partner sexually compatible?
Questions to Ask Before You Get Married…No Tally is Needed.
This isn’t one of those relational quizzes that asks you to tally up your answers. These questions are more like a reconnaissance drone 10,000 feet in the air above your intimacy, looking down on all the high and low points. Go with your gut.
The best answer for each one of these 15 questions to ask before you get married is a quick, certain and solid “yes.”
Questions to Ask Before You Get Married…Don’t Dismiss Any as Unimportant.
You may not like a few of these questions. But science likes them. That’s also why there are 15 questions.
The more questions, the better.
More questions offer greater accuracy. These questions work together to describe an overview of essential interlocking areas of how great marriages roll.
Relationships are complicated. Instead of tallying, have a Generative Conversation with your partner about the questions that seem to be leaning more toward “no” than “yes.”
It will be interesting and educational for you both to compare your answers to these 15 questions before you get married…or go into couples therapy.
That’s why the Big Big Book is such an important part of an assessment.
We ask really good questions too. Questions are the answer. Go deep and go long. Who you spend your life with matters.
“Always the beautiful answer who asks a more beautiful question.” E.E. Cummings.