Originally published October 22, 2019.
Introduction:
Limerence, a complex emotional and mental state marked by obsessive attachment, often leads individuals into a tumultuous journey of intense romantic feelings. This distinct state, not quite synonymous with falling in love, engulfs those experiencing it in an all-encompassing desire to share these emotions with a specific person. However, this depth of attachment can have profound implications, especially when it leads to affairs, leaving individuals grappling with the aftermath of these obsessive feelings. Understanding the nuances of limerence, its symptoms, and the intricacies of its impact becomes vital in navigating its complexities.
Understanding Limerence: A Deep Dive into Obsessive Attachment
Introduction:Limerence encapsulates an intense, obsessive attachment to another individual. It differs from falling in love, manifesting in intrusive thoughts and an overwhelming desire to share these feelings with the beloved. Within affairs, an Involved Partner often grapples with the aftermath of limerence, seeking to rescue their marriage while grieving the lost romantic attachment.
The Complications of Limerence
The Neuroscientific Lens:Neuroscience provides insights into the disorienting nature of limerence. It unveils the brain’s unique chemistry during this state, akin to low serotonin levels in obsessive-compulsive disorder. Recognizing these red flags becomes crucial in identifying when limerence turns problematic.
The Need for a Limerence Cure:While individuals in the throes of limerence may not recognize the term, they often scour the internet using related terms like “love addiction” or “obsessive love.” Many perceive their limerent state negatively, feeling cognitively impaired or drawn to unsuitable objects of limerence.
Understanding Limerence Symptoms
Insights from Research:Psychologist Dorothy Tennov’s pioneering work on limerence highlights its intrusive, obsessive, and compulsive nature. Distinguishing between love and limerence rests on the degree of intensity and a key factor: reciprocation.
Defining Limerence:Healthy attachment values mutuality, while limerence subordinates the Limerent Object’s well-being to satisfy the Limerence Experiencer’s obsession. It craves reciprocal intensity rather than shared enjoyment, differing significantly from genuine love.
The Telltale Signs:Limerence symptoms comprise a series of intrusive and intense behaviors, encapsulating everything from idealization to intense fear of rejection, often overshadowing other life responsibilities and interests.
Unpacking the Limerent Mind
Crystallization and Neuroscience:The process of crystallization marks the intense focus on attractive traits, dismissing less desirable aspects—a perfect bubble unaffected by reality. Understanding this phase helps in seeking therapy early.
From Despair to Obsession:Intense emotional engagement with the Limerent Object pushes limerence to dominate nearly every waking thought. Neurochemicals play a significant role, influencing dopamine and other neurotransmitters, contributing to the brain’s addiction-like state.
Limerence Turned Hostile
Unreciprocated Limerence:Non-reciprocation often intensifies limerence, leading to bitter feelings, rumination on perceived unfairness, and an overwhelming desire for revenge or compensation from the Limerent Object.
Navigating Hostility:Instances of extreme behavior, although a minority, include soft stalking or creating websites to provoke the Limerent Object. Redirecting bitterness becomes essential to avoid such extremes.
Seeking a Cure for Limerence
Recovery Strategies:Recognizing the need for a limerence cure involves various strategies, including self-care rituals, recognizing signs of recovery, and maintaining boundaries to avoid obsessive behaviors.
Science-Based Approaches:SSRIs, diet adjustments, and practicing no contact form part of a limerence cure. Understanding brain recovery timelines, limiting eye contact, and disclosing symptoms help curb limerence intensity.
Resources for Recovery:Support forums and therapy resources like Limerence.net offer avenues for individuals grappling with limerence. While not a substitute for therapy, these platforms provide crucial support and acknowledgment for those navigating limerence post-affair.
Closing:
Navigating limerence’s labyrinthine pathways demands a multifaceted approach that includes awareness, self-care, and professional guidance. While the journey toward a limerence cure may vary for each individual, acknowledging the symptoms, employing evidence-based strategies, and seeking support from relevant resources remain essential. By recognizing the distinct attributes of limerence and undertaking steps toward recovery, individuals can gradually regain control, fostering a path toward emotional stability and healing.
This is yet another good article that I have found that explains Limerence. I am at three years and nine months and my pain is no less bearable than it was when it started. I do not know when this will ever end but I hope it is soon. I also have quit Facebook and I do not try to look and see what she is doing or where she is in her life. It is difficult however. I want to love her so much but I cannot. I am married and have been for 25 years… But for some reason my LO has my emotions by the throat! I have not seen her since I bumped into her at a funeral six months ago. I was happy to see her but at the same time knew that it would set me back. I did not see her for two years during The Covid shut down but when I saw her again it was as if I had seen her yesterday! I’m just so tired of the pain! She does not know she’s my LO… But my wife does. It’s awkward. Thanks for the article.
I have used limmerence since I was a pre teen. I suffered abuse and looked for an escape until I found alchol at fourteen, then that became my escape, however limmerence has crept in at times. Since today is my 12 year anniversary to one of my LO’s I thought I would share to help anyone who is going down the rabbit hole of limmerence. My husband is a homosexual who used me for a green card. Since he was my LO you can imagine how this ended after two kids… I didn’t care despite all the rejection and the obviousness of the situation. He even told me, not about liking men ,but that he was using me and it wasn’t real. Still my addiction to get him to reciprocate my feelings was all that mattered. My fantasy and his rejection were the perfect combo for me. I crave abuse in my LO’s. This makes for a double dose of hell when I engage in these limmerent chemicals. I’ve been separated from husband for years. I’ve recently come across my perfect LO. I gave in one damn time to the temptation of fantasy and being swept away by this person. It’s continued to be a problem. I’ve decided to fight it hard just like my alchol addiction. I renamed my LO Liam instead of using his real name and sat down and separated who Liam is and who LO is in his real life. This worked for me. I’ve also fought any fantasy dump my brain does. I get in the bath and I pray or I name off every object I’m looking at until my mind quits. I don’t give in… I want to.. wanted to be all having a twin flame.. but I know better. I’ve been getting better and now when I see my LO he’s just back to being his annoying self and not some master twin flame who knows my soul and my thoughts… good luck everyone. Brain chemicals are dangerous!! Soul mates don’t exist and life and real love will pass us by if we choose escape and feel good chemicals..
This is an excellent article that explained everything I am experiencing in detail. My comment however, is that prior to reading recommendations for LE recovery I had already executed changing jobs to avoid my LO, deleting, blocking, and staying away from my LO online, and avoiding LO at all costs. It has been a year and I still feel as heartbroken as Day #1. Hoping this will end as this pain is unbearable on some days.