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Your Inbox Intensive

By Couples Therapy Inc.

Module 2 – Conversation: Two Babies and Mindfulness and Reactivity

Keep your momentum going at home after the intensive with this exclusive program for our couples who have been through our retreats.


The Inbox Intensive relapse check-in

This Relapse Check-in can help couples assess and prevent relapse and understand how to seek additional intervention if relapse occurs. Please give your frank evaluation of the following items by selecting either “doing fine” or “a problem now” for each item.

Start The Check-In

Start the check-in

Please give your frank evaluation by selecting either “doing fine” or “it’s a problem now” for each statement below.

Communicating regularly


Conversation: Two Babies and Mindfulness and Reactivity

Conversation: Two Babies and Mindfulness and Reactivity

That first conversation once you got home. You may already have had it. How did it go?

If it didn’t go so well, let’s review some of the things you’ve learned about having intimate conversations during your intensive:

Slowing Down, Staying Calm, Talking About Yourself

When you participated in your intensive, one thing your couples therapist likely focused on was the importance of slowing down, remaining calm, and speaking from your own experience. 

The reason? 

They wanted to lower the emotional intensity in the room.

Lowering your emotional intensity (and autonomic arousal) allows new information to come in. 

But as Andrew Huberman says: “It’s hard to control the mind with the mind.” 

But hang in there. Module Two will give you a quick brain hack you can use to regain control.

Attitudinal Mindset

Your therapist may also have covered the importance of your attitudinal mindset before you begin a conversation as either: “What the hell is this?” or “What is this?”

First, let’s cover these two mindsets in the handout “Two Babies.

After that, learn to watch your own emotions and reactivity as the conversation unfolds.

Tune into your body and recognize when you are starting to get upset. Emotions may feel out of your control. They are not.

Take a moment to review the definition of “flooding,” as an “intensive emotional state.” Being mildly upset is as important to recognize. Mild emotional distress, reactivity, and defensiveness are the keys to unlocking greater self-knowledge and emotional maturity.

The Physiological Sigh

The Physiological Sigh is a pattern of breathing that involves two inhales and an extended exhale. It only takes a few seconds.

Watch Andrew Huberman, a tenured professor of neurobiology and ophthalmology at Stanford University School of Medicine, demonstrate the Physiological Sign.

The video is 2:45 long.

Lesson at a glance:

  • Pick which “baby” you’ll emulate when you start a conversation
  • Understand why your emotional reactions to intimate conversations are essential to self-explorations and emotional maturity
  • Review the definition of “flooding”
  • Recognize mild distress, reactivity, and defensiveness and know what to do when it happens.

Downloadable Resource

Ready for more?
Take the Flooding Self-Test and discuss the questions that are included.



Is it time to schedule a follow up session?

If you haven’t already scheduled follow up sessions, our staff can help you to plan your next appointment.

Don’t forget:

Schedule some quality time

Do you and your partner have some time on the calendar for each other? Make sure you have a date night planned as well as a weekly “state of the union” conversation.


Check in with yourself

When you need to have a challenging conversation, pause to notice your partner’s reactions, notice yours. What’s different?

We’re here to help

Have a question about this exercise? Looking for more information about follow up sessions? Send us a message, we’d be happy to help.

The next module – 
StressReducing Conversations

Our next module will look at stress reducing conversations. We will send the link to your email on your next scheduled check-in or if you want to get started now, you can click the button below.

Previous modules