Ending a marriage is never easy, and the separation period can be incredibly confusing and emotionally taxing. Many people wonder if it’s wrong to date while separated. They want to know how it may impact their healing process and pending divorce. Here are six crucial things to consider before dating while legally separated.

1. Understand the legal implications

Laws regarding dating during separation vary by location. In some places, dating while separated but still legally married constitutes adultery. This means it could negatively impact divorce proceedings, including alimony and property division.1 Consulting with a family law attorney or divorce lawyers about the specifics in your area is essential.

Research shows that separated spouses are less likely to reconcile. If you are separated, your partner may consider dating as cheating unless the separation agreement states otherwise. Affairs are a common reason to initiate divorce. Consider the grounds for divorce: Dating while separated is often the nail in the coffin.

2. Assess your readiness to date

Separation is often an emotionally turbulent time. Before jumping into a new relationship, honestly assess if you’ve processed your feelings about your marriage ending.

Dating too soon can be a way of avoiding difficult emotions. You may be hoping to quickly fill the void left by living separately.2

Also, ask yourself how you feel about your spouse being with someone else. That may help clarify your feelings.

You might be “leaning in” and the other “leaning out.” You may need help in sorting out an array of confusing feelings. Emotions run high, and introducing another romantic relationship is usually ill-advised.

Take time to grieve the end of your marriage, and consider individual therapy to help navigate this transition. Studies show that post-separation therapy focused on managing emotions, redefining identity, and developing coping skills can significantly improve divorced individuals’ well-being.3

3. Consider the impact on children

If you have kids, their emotional needs should be a top priority during separation. They are likely struggling with the changes in family structure and may feel hurt, confused, or angry.4 Introducing a new romantic partner too soon can further disrupt their sense of stability.

Child custody is also a consideration. It may be a good idea to structure custody arrangements to see others when your child is with your ex.

Research indicates that children whose parents begin dating shortly after separation have more emotional and behavioral problems.5 Wait at least a year after separation to introduce a new partner to your children if you decide to date.6

4. Communicate openly with your spouse

Even if you believe the marriage is over, discussing dating during separation with your spouse is important. You may not be on the same page about expectations. Dating without an agreement could undermine cooperative co-parenting and increase hostility in divorce negotiations.

Studies indicate that effective communication between separated spouses improves post-divorce adjustment for the whole family. 7 Aim to have a calm, honest discussion about boundaries and considerations regarding dating while separated.

5. Take a gradual approach to dating

You may be free to date if you are still legally married; however, consider the potential risks.

Casual dating can offer companionship and boost self-esteem. Rushing into a serious relationship before finalizing your divorce can be easy.

Focus on self-discovery and personal growth during this transitional time. Engage in meaningful activities. Develop a clearer sense of who you are and what you want from life. Research shows that those who do have improved life satisfaction after the divorce.8

6. Be mindful of financial entanglements

Dating while separated can complicate the financial aspects of divorce, especially if you start cohabitating with a new partner. In some states, moving in with a boyfriend or girlfriend before divorce is final can affect spousal support.9

Don’t mix money with new romantic partners. Wait until your final divorce to make large purchases or investments together. Studies have found that arguments about money are a major source of stress for couples going through a divorce. We recommend preventing these conflicts from escalating further.

Summary

Choosing to date during marital separation is a highly personal decision with legal, financial, and emotional ramifications. Consider consulting with a therapist or divorce coach to help clarify your readiness. Prioritize your children’s well-being and engage in open communication with your spouse.

If you do start dating, take it slow and be upfront about your situation. Most importantly, use this time to focus on healthy healing and personal growth. Navigating the challenges of separation and divorce goes more smoothly when you do.

Footnotes

  1. DOS AND DON’TS OF DATING BEFORE DIVORCE IS FINALIZED
  2. Sbarra, D.A., & Emery, R.E. (2005). The emotional sequelae of nonmarital relationship dissolution: Analysis of change and intraindividual variability over time. Personal Relationships, 12, 213-232..
  3. Malgaroli, M., Galatzer-Levy, I. R., & Bonanno, G. A. (2017). Heterogeneity in trajectories of depression in response to divorce is associated with differential risk for mortality. Clinical Psychological Science, 5(5), 843–850.
  4. Weaver, J. M., & Schofield, T. J. (2015). Mediation and moderation of divorce effects on children’s behavior problems. Journal of Family Psychology, 29(1), 39–48.
  5. Anderson, E. R., Greene, S. M., Walker, L., Malerba, C. A., Forgatch, M. S., & DeGarmo, D. S. (2004). Ready to take a chance again: Transitions into dating among divorced parents. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 40(3-4), 61-75.
  6. Langlais, M. R., Anderson, E. R., & Greene, S. M. (2017). Divorced young adult mothers’ experiences of breakups with new partners and repartnering after divorce. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 58(1), 16-32.
  7. Jamison, T. B., Coleman, M., Ganong, L. H., & Feistman, R. E. (2014). Transitioning to postdivorce family life: A grounded theory investigation of resilience in coparenting. Family Relations, 63(3), 411-423.
  8. Kramrei, E., Coit, C., Martin, S., Fogo, W., & Mahoney, A. (2007). Post-divorce adjustment and social relationships: A meta-analytic review. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 46(3-4), 145-166.
  9. Clapp, M. (2000). Divorce and new beginnings. New York: Wiley.
  10. Dew, J., Britt, S., & Huston, S. (2012). Examining the relationship between financial issues and divorce. Family Relations, 61(4), 615-628.