Discernment counseling is a therapeutic approach designed for those who are struggling with the decision about whether to stay in a marriage, divorce, or wait and do nothing.
Living in a troubled marriage is often an emotional ordeal. When divorce descends into a chaotic, hostile confrontation with financial retribution or prolonged silence, it becomes a distressing fiasco. This is where discernment counseling plays a pivotal role—it offers a moment to deeply contemplate before making a life-changing decision.
At CTI, all of our clinicians undergo discernment training. You’ll be guided by a skilled therapist who will help you navigate this decision-making process. It is a structured reflection, and a purposeful pause to organize essential thoughts and feelings. Discernment counseling is time-limited, private sessions with guidance to make a better, more thoughtful choice.
Kathy A. McMahon Psychologist, Sex Therapist, President, Couples Therapy Inc.
Retreats in-person or online
Why discernment counseling is your best bet
It’s sometimes called “pre divorce counseling” but if one of you is definite that you want a divorce, no question about it, this form of counseling isn’t for you. If one of you is seriously contemplating divorce, or are a couple on the brink, this isn’t the time to “work on the marriage.”
That time has passed.
But if you have lingering doubts about whether getting divorced is an intelligent move, you’ll want to slow down and give it some serious thought. Have a place where the professional sees both of you short term, individually and briefly together. It’s for mixed agenda couples deciding to divorce or not.
Divorce is an impactful decision. It’s a decision only each of you can make, and it’s an important one. In other words, it is a time-limited approach to help you to judge your marital options well, especially if you are seriously contemplating divorce.
Make sure that marriage counseling isn’t a waste of your time and money. But also make sure you aren’t jumping the gun and getting an unnecessary divorce.
Couples Therapy Inc. is a team of two dozen clinicians all devoted to couples therapy. What does that mean for you?
“dis·cern·ment coun-sel-ing:” noun
A marital approach increasing your ability to judge your marital options well: Couples seek professional advice from a qualified mental health provider: pre-divorce counseling.
Divorce is a big step.
You’d like a place to have the space to talk it out with somebody. To find the words to explain it to your spouse…who may be freaked out. Or so angry you can’t say “pass the salt” without an argument.
The “leaning in” partner.”
You have just heard: “I’m not in love with you anymore…” or “I want a divorce.” You may be angry, in mourning, frustrated, abusive, placating, inconsolable, or willing to “do anything” to improve things. Reactions change by the day…or by the minute.
Do you want to keep this marriage?
If you really want the marriage, you have to know why. Why is it worth fighting for and working hard to save? And it’s on you, the leaning in partner, to do most of the work to save the union, even if you’re the only one working.
Managing “the audience”
If there is an audience, they are hard to ignore. If you haven’t told anybody, all the better. Don’t until you’ve completed discernment. You’ll set off a flood of opinions that won’t be neutral and won’t help you explore all the complex feelings safely and calmly.
I was considering divorce, we were in crisis.
We wanted to get a lot of help in a short amount of time, so the intensive made sense to us. We feel much closer now, and hopeful again. I’m no longer considering divorce. [We have] tools to help maintain the positive aspects of our relationship.
Recent client reports
I gained better communication skills once I found out the truth.
Our marriage retreat turned into divorce planning. He is/was unwilling to work to reconcile the marriage. I found out he was having an affair. He was finally honest with me.
Recent client reports
I had no hope before.
It’s only been a week but our relationship has definitely improved. We have better communication and are understanding each other better. The stress level between us has also decreased. I had no hope before. Now I know we’ve got a chance to mend our relationship.
Recent client reports
We are getting a divorce, but I wanted to understand how we got there and figure out how to move forward.
I feel like it’s not all my fault that our relationship failed, now. I’m dealing with my childhood issues. We also have points of reference from our weekend that help us communicate better for the sake of the kids.
Recent client reports
Couples Therapy Intensives
This weekend was so powerful, and I cannot thank you enough. I feel much more equipped to deal with everything….what an eye-opener. I can honestly say it was one of the most cathartic experiences of my life.
We wanted to get a lot of help in a short amount of time, so the intensive made sense to us. We feel much closer now, and hopeful again. I’m no longer considering divorce. [We have] tools to help maintain the positive aspects of our relationship.
Recent client reports
I gained better communication skills once I found out the truth.
Our marriage retreat turned into divorce planning. He is/was unwilling to work to reconcile the marriage. I found out he was having an affair. He was finally honest with me.
Recent client reports
I had no hope before.
It’s only been a week but our relationship has definitely improved. We have better communication and are understanding each other better. The stress level between us has also decreased. I had no hope before. Now I know we’ve got a chance to mend our relationship.
Recent client reports
We are getting a divorce, but I wanted to understand how we got there and figure out how to move forward.
I feel like it’s not all my fault that our relationship failed, now. I’m dealing with my childhood issues. We also have points of reference from our weekend that help us communicate better for the sake of the kids.
Recent client reports
Couples Therapy Intensives
This weekend was so powerful, and I cannot thank you enough. I feel much more equipped to deal with everything….what an eye-opener. I can honestly say it was one of the most cathartic experiences of my life.
Learn more. Our administrative team is here to assist you. They’re well-versed in science-based couples therapy and know our team thoroughly. They’ll answer all your questions and help you find the right couples therapist.
Attend the Intensive Therapy Retreat: This weekend exclusively focuses on you and your partner, and we give you our undivided attention. Live locally? Booking a nearby hotel room can enhance your experience.
Participate in our free enhancement course (“Inbox Intensive”) to reinforce your learning. Additional guidance is readily available, whether in-person or through online sessions. Your therapist has an in depth understanding of each of you and your relationship dynamics. Don’t hesitate to reach out.
Discernment Counseling is done by an elite group of professionals with advanced training in couples therapy. Many have been approved to conduct his work by the Couples on the Brink Project, the group that originated this groundbreaking approach.
Discernment Counseling helps the couple, individually, to decide if counseling is really the way to go. Not surprisingly, marital therapy at that point, is of no help. This leaves the “leaning out” spouse even more convinced that divorce is the only viable option.
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Client Reviews
Our couples are personally and professionally driven to excel. They believe in science and how it can guide better decision-making. Data sways them but so does love. They will look inward and admit when they are wrong. We know them well because we are them.
When we began, even respected colleagues told us that a client would not complete assessment evaluation questions before treatment. What could we do? We needed your data to help us help you. The BIG BIG Book was born. And no one refused to do it.
We use our assessment to go deeper and get to the root causes of issues. With objective data, a skilled therapist can guide you with greater confidence and clarity. You’ll develop a better emotional understanding and open the possibility of significant breakthroughs.
Fees for the Intensive
Intensive retreat prices for a weekend are between $3500 and $7000 depending upon the education, location, and experience of your therapist. Additional days can also be arranged. Payment is due at the time of booking and paid for by credit card. We regret not being able to hold dates without payment.
Yes. Brave couples willing to look inside and assess their contribution to the state of their marriage. Our couples demand a great deal from themselves, and their intimate relationship is no different. They want exceptional marriages.
No, it is science-based. However, Christian couples can work with our specialized clinicians for a biblically informed (and science-based) perspective.
Affair recovery is a part of every true couples therapist’s education. What is unique about affair recovery in an intensive format is that it allows time, precious time, for both to understand the crushing impact of infidelity. Both the involved partner and the hurt partner have a story to tell. Couples tell these stories safely and respectfully in the care of a skilled therapist.
Our therapists prefer extended, concentrated sessions over a traditional weekly format. This delivery method brings greater depth, continuity, and effectiveness. An intensive demands sustained clinical concentration and a different skill set to be effective. For example, “direct,” “frank,” or “directive,” are adjectives often used to describe therapists who do it well.
The phrase “changing the face of couples therapy” is used to emphasize the importance of advancing and modernizing the field. Couples therapy is a constantly evolving discipline that requires practitioners to stay up-to-date with the latest research, techniques, and best practices.
Post-graduate education is crucial for therapists who wish to specialize in couples therapy. While Marriage and Family Therapy programs provide a foundation, they often offer limited education specifically focused on the intricacies of working with couples.
To effectively address the unique challenges faced by couples, therapists must continually expand their knowledge and skills beyond their initial training. Staying informed about new developments in couples therapy ensures that practitioners can provide the most effective and comprehensive care to their clients.
Yes! We work with all couples. This includes couples married long-term or newlyweds, GLBTQi+ or straight, or ethically non-monogamous. You need not be married to participate.
After a thorough relationship history and individual meetings, the therapist provides you evidence-based feedback about your relationship. This includes a detailed “map” of your strengths and areas that need enhancement. We implement this tailored treatment plan over the remaining time.
The effectiveness of marriage counseling is directly related to how skilled your couples therapist is, how practiced they are with evidence-based couples therapy, and how long your sessions are. Longer sessions give both of you the time to discuss issues in depth.
The sad fact is that most Couples Therapy is haphazardly done by insurance-reimbursed therapists, working half the time they need to provide services for which they have little or no training. Forty-five-minute sessions are designed for individuals, not couples.
As a result, progress is often slow, if not entirely elusive, leaving couples frustrated and disillusioned with the therapeutic process. It’s a disheartening situation that demands a radical shift in how couples therapy is approached and delivered.
Insurance companies seldom cover couples counseling, as they usually do not categorize it as “medically necessary.” Intensive couples therapy retreats are no different.
Please note:
These weekend therapy retreats are not a magic formula. If one of you has little motivation to work on your marriage sincerely or is seriously considering divorce, please consider a discernment counseling retreat instead of a couples THERAPY retreat.
Your willingness and interest in improving your marriage are essential for this work’s success. You both need to be willing to look at your individual contribution to the state of your marriage instead of focusing the blame on your spouse.
Couples therapy (including John Gottman’s methods and Emotionally-focused couples therapy) does not work with the following: Domestic violence, suicide prevention, personality disorders, or drug and alcohol abuse that requires inpatient care.
Seek professional individual mental health services. Finding a professional who has specific training is your best option.
