If you had to give three rules to couples for a happy healthy and long-lasting marriage, what would they be?
- 1Take your relationship more seriously than you take any other job you have. If your partner feels ignored, drop everything and sit down and talk. If you take that complaint as “bitching” you will weaken the very foundations of your love. Remain open and non defensive.
- 2Don’t give up on sex. You don’t need to involve your genitals, but you do need to invest your heart. Don’t make sex about you, your feelings or ego, or your gratification alone. But don’t make their gratification the holy grail either. Make it about both you opening yourselves up to feeling good sensations and grooving with whatever happens.
- 3A fish dies from the head down. A family dies from the marriage down. Kids are super special. But they don’t belong in a superior position. They don’t own the house, they can’t vote or support the family. So keep them from controlling anything involving your marriage. If your spouse says he or she feels “second to the kids,” see #1.
Want your questions answered?
Send us your questions about relationships, sex, intimacy, and couples therapy. If selected, we will post your question (and Dr. K's response) without identifying information. Simply fill out this form to contact us.