Mindful Practice does not discriminate. It cools hot tempers and restores awareness. Rain does not discriminate either. It cools, refreshes and restores everyone.
“RAIN” is also a well-known acronym for mindfulness practice, which is often useful in couples therapy. The R.A.I.N. practice teaches couples how to be curious and cultivate an interlocking capacity to hold shared experiences with openness and curiosity while suspending judgment. This is particularly important when you are not getting along, and especially crucial for men. Mindful Practice helps reduce defensiveness and stonewalling.
Men particularly can have a hard time “accepting” a complaint or criticism. In Mindful Practice, It’s essential to sloooow down.
Gottman reminds us that it is the husband’s ability to remain calm and neutral in the face of withering criticism that is the most critical factor in de-escalating the marital conflict.
“Just Because your Cat has kittens in the oven doesn’t make them biscuits.” Polish Proverb.
Regular practice of Mindfulness ultimately results in a robust “observing self.”
If you engage in a Mindful Practice faithfully, you will gradually learn not to take what your mind tells you personally. Your awareness will deepen, and perhaps you will acquire compassion for the automatically reactive part of you.
Daniel is a Marriage and Family Therapist. He is the Blog Editor. He currently works online seeing couples from Massachusetts at Couples Therapy Inc. He uses EFT, Gottman Method, Solution-focused and the Developmental Model in his approaches.
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