Intensive Marriage Counselling in Western Cape, South Africa
“A science-based Marriage Counselling over a weekend that helps couples achieve genuine emotional closeness and sexual connection.”
Tehillah Luttig, Marriage Counsellor, Hermanus, SA
Renew your love and resolve your most painful relationship challenges.
A single weekend of marriage counselling can teach you essential skills that can change around your relationship. If you are looking for a marriage counselling in an intensive format, a marriage retreat in Western Cape South Africa is perfect!
The Tools I Use Predict Divorce With Over 90% Accuracy!
These findings span 40+ years of research with over 3,000 couples. They've taught us remarkable things...like a predictable pattern of marital decline. I'll motivate you to take action, focus on what's wrong, and show you how to change it FAST. It's personally tailored to just you two. Intensive Marriage Counselling makes a huge difference to the way you love.
Need "One Last Shot" of Effective Marriage Counselling? An Intensive Marriage Retreat is Effective.
Have you made plans to leave, consulted an attorney, or even filed for divorce? If you keep hoping that maybe “one last shot” of marriage counselling with someone who knows what they've doing might make a difference, you're right.
It really could.
If you're asking yourself: "Could we work again with the right marriage counsellor?" the answer is a resounding "YES!"
I see it all the time.
I'm Tehillah Luttig, a marriage counsellor practicing in Hermanus, Western Cape South Africa. My couples fly in from all parts of South Africa - Johannesburg, Durban or drive or take a train from Cape Town to work with me. I work with all sorts of couples:
And I see marriages in all life stages: marriages with little babies or grown children. Even newlyweds, engaged couples or those with no intention of ever getting married. Couples approaching retirement, who simply can't take it anymore... If nothing changes, they aren't prepared to stay unhappy like this 'until death do us part.'
There're a lot of myths out there about troubled marriage:
A BIG ONE is About Divorce
“The severity of your problems don't predict divorce.
No matter how bad it is, you can be happily marriage again, according to the research.”
The marital endurance ethic plays a big role. These are couples who stubbornly outlast their problems. Five years later, many sources of conflict and distress have eased.
One Example of a Marriage Counselling Intensive that Worked
One couples I saw had been to over 4 counsellors in the past 18 years, and none of them had helped.
Family and friends told them they just weren't "suited for each other." (...of course HIS friends sided with him, and HER friends sided with her...)
But everyone agreed: "You two should divorce!" (...except their kids...)
The wife's goal for the marriage counselling retreat was to learn to stand up to a man who she described as "a big bully." The husband, on the other hand, was really shaken to the core when he arrived. Like many powerful and successful men he had no idea why she wanted a divorce, except that they couldn't stop fighting. He had his complains about her, but his biggest goal was to just fix it. He wanted his wife to come home and he wanted to stop the endless battles.
In their State of the Union Assessment they told me their early love story. It was full of trials and tribulation, like most of our couples. But it also was full of passion! These two were survivors, personally, and as a couple. Horrors of ex's, financial setbacks, kids' problems, you name it...and through it all, they had stayed together...until now.
They Didn't Know How They Made It Worse...So They Couldn't Figure Out How to Make It Better
Their previous marriage counsellors would listen and try to give them advice. But no one had taught them how to act differently or why:
"Here's what you are doing, and if you keep doing it, the science says that it will be hard to exit this divorce highway. Let's work on how to change things around..."
- "You, Sir, have to change your worldview. You are the boss at your job, but you have to change your approach at home." No one told him he was being emotionally abusive. He honestly didn't realize it! As I said, he loved his wife and he wanted to keep his family intact.
- "You, Madam, have to keep your cool. When you flood, you stop thinking clearly and lose not only your clarity, but your nerve." She realized she "gave up" when he started to raise his voice. He scared her, and that dynamic had to stop. She was no longer going to just acquiesce to what he said, but she also wasn't sure how to stand up to him in a calm, even way.
You may not have TIME for more traditional weekly marriage counselling sessions. Every day brings you farther and farther apart. I stop a couple's fast-moving train to greater misery or divorce...”
What is an Marriage Counselling in an Intensive Format?
This type of Marriage Counselling offers a unique "science-based" opportunity to get away and really enhance your bond.
Called "marriage retreats" or "couples therapy retreats," this type of intensive marriage counselling uses a therapeutic approach to help couples that takes place over 2 days and one evening. A marriage counselling intensive is designed to slow you down, allow you to enjoy a change of scene, and reconnect with yourself and your spouse. You may feel like both of you are too distant, with too much baggage and damage done to save your marriage. But before paying an attorney to split up your family forever, you owe it to yourselves and your family to try and try to save your marriage one more time.
Take one more step and contact us now.
You have everything to gain and so much to lose.
This intensive approach allows our marriage counsellor to get to the root of the problem.
Yes, there is a science-based couples therapy in this day and age and it is 70-90% effective.
You'll get a detailed look at exactly what I'll be doing and why. We're unique in our use of an extensive science-based assessment for each couple prior to meeting you. We call it: "The BIG BIG Book of Intimate Relationships" and it's essential in helping us improve your marriage. You can read more about it here.
There is nothing like it.
We use it to determine how we can best assist you. We use videotaping as part of our assessment as well. This enables us to scientifically understand what's gone wrong in your pattern of communication and overall relationship dynamics. And we monitor your heart rate to be sure you're not getting emotionally upset to the point of not thinking clearly. We watch your non-verbal communication to help you understand the signals you're sending each other. We teach you proven ways to talk to each other that "masters of relationships" use naturally.
'Divorce-Busting' isn't for the weak-at-heart, and it's costly.
But my couples find it so much more affordable than divorce or living in a painful marriage.
After divorce, everything gets a lot more complicated:
And people tend to make the same mistakes in future relationships if they can't figure out what they've doing wrong, and just blame their spouse. In my marriage retreat intensive in Hermanus, South Africa you can figure out what you've done wrong and fix it, even if you'll go on to divorce.
Privately, just myself and the two of you.
Couples enter treatment on the verge of divorce, (some have even filed for divorce or moved out...) and leave with a new sense of commitment, connection, and resolve.
It's more than a year later, and The Bully and the Bride who were "doomed to divorce" are happy together again. She moved back in, and is delighted to be there. Their family and friends don't talk badly about their spouse anymore, because they don't allow it! They're a team.
And they still do have fights. A fair number of them.
Both know how to fight without escalating it. She sets limits. He accepts influence. They work collaboratively because they know what they are doing and why when they disagree. And now it doesn't get out of control.
A Marriage Counsellor Born & Raised in South Africa
“My heart is spurred on by a burning passion to help others, and I feel so ‘at home’ in helping couples revive their relationships..”
Here's a bit more about me professionally
I'm part of an international team of couples therapists, called Couples Therapy Inc. There are more than 30 marriage counsellors in total, across the USA and in Europe and Australia as well as South Africa. We meet online once a month and in person bi-annually to hone our skills in helping couples. All of us, like myself, are devoted to science-based couples therapy to heal the broken bonds and rescue troubled relationships. Here is are some of my credentials:
Health Professions Counsel of South Africa (HPCSA)
Psychological Society of South Africa (PYSSA)
Board of Health Care Funders (BHF)
Association of Registered Counsellors of South Africa (ARCSA)
Founding Executive Committee Member of ARCSA
-Professional Development and Ethics Committee
Tehilla kan julle sessies in Engels of Afrikaans aanbied.
Cape Town to Hermanus: 1 hour 30 minutes
/Pretoria/Durban: 2 hours
License: South Africa: PRC0016837 & PR #0538396
Postgraduate (Honors) Degree: B. Social Sciences (Psychology); University of Cape Town (2007)
BA Social Sciences (Psychology); University of South Africa (2006)
Completion of Levels I & II of the Gottman Method of Couples Therapy
Completion of Defusing Depression by the Institute of Brain Working Recursive Therapy
Completion of Working with Men taught by Terry Real, LICSW
Professional Life Coach Certification & Guide (accredited) by Transformation Academy
Completion of: Mastering the Essentials: Your Couples Therapy Training Bundle with Dr. Peter Pearson
I was born and raised in South Africa.
South Africa is my home. I’m proud to be a child of hers. It is a land rich with culture and flavour.
I am the second eldest of four children (I have three brothers). I was born in Nelspruit, Mpumalanga near the Kruger National Park. My family has always been adventure-driven and growing up near the Kruger National Park meant lots of camping and safaris. I learned from an early age to track lions and other amazing animals and identify some of our fantastic bird and plant varieties.
My parents were pastors at one of the only multi-racial churches in South Africa in the 1980’s and have been in ministry for many years. They've also run various businesses.
Being a family is demanding work. Each member has a unique and powerful influence on how the family operates. I see the family like a gearbox and each member a cog: when one stops working, no matter how small he/she is – it creates friction and harder work for the other members.
Also, when one does all the work and doesn’t allow the others to find their groove, it speeds up the inevitable process of wear and tear.
But when everyone does their part, the family becomes a unique and powerful mechanism, working smoothly together in a propelling way! And everyone relaxes and starts to enjoy themselves.
I’ve travelled Europe, South America and Africa (thirteen countries) thirstily drinking in the different experiences and appreciating the diverse cultures. I’ve seen destruction and hate but most importantly I’ve seen grace and love.
Being married and a mother of two, I am acutely aware of the stressors affecting relationships and how important the right tools are for families. Becoming a parent has certainly deepened my compassion and empathy even more! It has shown me how hard it is to ‘practice what I preach’ but how incredibly useful these teachable tools are, and also the difference it makes when your partner is your ‘team-mate’ or your ‘enemy’.
LOCATION: Beautiful Hermanus, Western Cape, South Africa
Travel down from Johannesburg, Pretoria or Durban. Drive over from Cape Town. Take a luxury train from Pretoria to Cape Town. Take the exotic trek from Europe or the USA. However you make it, come to South Africa's beautiful Hermanus in Western Cape and watch the Southern Right Whale (before Mid-December!) and enjoy our Blue Flag beaches.
SHARKS, WHALES, AND WINE
Full of quaint boutiques, markets and galleries, the town is a scenic 90-minute drive from Cape Town. Hermanus is surrounded by geographic beauty – the Atlantic Ocean, endless beaches, and undulating mountains.
Hermanus is hands-down the best place to view whales on the planet. Its wild beauty, artisanal foods and its proximity to wine route. The town was originally called Hermanuspietersfontein, but the name was shortened because it was too long for the postal service.
My office is a beautiful, recently renovated stylish office block with a well-lit reception room at the end of town (so away from the buzz of people).
While you cannot see the sea from there, it is about a 2 minutes' drive from our blue flag beach, Grotto beach. It’s got miles of white sandy beaches to walk on (passing a beautiful lagoon) and there is also a nice little restaurant for lunch. My office is about 7 minutes' drive out of town, so close enough to enjoy various other restaurants if wanted.
I love my office space as it’s welcoming, out of town centre, has private parking, a nice reception area, and it’s modern without fuss.