As a licensed sex therapist and couples therapist, I have worked with many couples whose relationships have been devastated by compulsive sexual behavior. Also known as hypersexuality or sex addiction, compulsive sexual behavior is characterized by persistent and intense sexual fantasies, urges, and behaviors that feel out of control. This can include excessive use of pornography, frequent casual or anonymous sex, recurring infidelity, and other sexual activities that continue despite negative consequences.

The Impact of Compulsive Sexual Behavior on Relationships

When compulsive sexual behavior enters a committed monogamous relationship, it often leaves the partner feeling betrayed, alone, and unsure if trust can ever be rebuilt. Some common effects include:

  • Anger and resentment
  • Shame and low self-esteem
  • Fear of intimacy
  • Doubts about the relationship’s future

Many couples wonder if their relationship can survive this rupture and if healing is possible.

Gottman-Informed Couples Therapy: A Path to Healing

The good news is that with guidance from a skilled couples therapist, relationships can recover from the impact of compulsive sexual behavior. One of the most effective approaches is Gottman-informed couples therapy.

What is the Gottman Method?

Pioneered by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, this research-based method focuses on:

  • Rebuilding trust
  • Improving communication
  • Deepening intimacy
  • Creating shared meaning

These are essential components for relationships in crisis.

Key Exercises in Gottman-Informed Couples Therapy

As part of a therapy intensive, the Gottman approach uses structured exercises to help couples unpack resentment, process difficult emotions, and gain a deeper understanding of each other. Some key exercises include:

  • Sharing a positive perspective of your relationship history
  • Discussing your philosophy of trust and commitment
  • Exploring the roots of the compulsive behaviors
  • Accepting influence from each other
  • Creating rituals of emotional connection
  • Identifying and fulfilling each other’s “inner dreams”

The Benefits for Each Partner

Through this work, the partner struggling with compulsive sexual behaviors develops:

  • Empathy
  • Accountability
  • Coping strategies

Meanwhile, the betrayed partner has a safe space to:

  • Express hurt
  • Set boundaries
  • Regain a sense of self

Most importantly, the couple builds a shared vision for repairing and strengthening their bond.

Hope for Your Relationship

If your relationship is suffering due to compulsive sexual behavior, know that you’re not alone and there is hope. Seek out a couples therapist who specializes in this area. Be patient with the process and each other. With guidance, compassion, and commitment, transformation is possible. You can emerge from this crisis with deeper love, resilience, and intimacy than ever before.