As a couples therapist and dog owner, I often hear this question from clients. Those cute faces, cuddles, and adorable yawns – I mean, your spouse may be pretty cute, but how can they compete with a pup? This brings us to an important question: should your dog be allowed to sleep in the bed with you and your significant other?
What Research Says About Dogs in Your Bed
While research offers varying conclusions about co-sleeping with pets, there’s no clear-cut answer. Like most aspects of relationships, what works for one couple may not work for another. However, there are key factors to consider when making this decision.
Two Critical Factors for Making the Decision
1. Prioritizing Your Relationship
Above all else, couples who make decisions that benefit their relationship (not just one partner) typically have better odds at lasting. The agreement about where your dog sleeps needs to honor and put your relationship first.
2. The Decision-Making Process
Since we spend about one-third of our lives sleeping, how couples approach this decision matters significantly. Here’s a recommended process:
- Take turns actively listening to each other’s perspective about where your dog sleeps, including the deeper meaning behind your positions
- Identify common ground between your viewpoints
- Create a temporary compromise and test it for a set period
- Evaluate the trial run’s impact on both partners and your relationship
Side note: If this conversation proves challenging, it might indicate a deeper perpetual problem. Consider working with a couples therapist who can help navigate this and similar issues.
Important Considerations for Co-Sleeping with Dogs
Sleep Quality Impact
- How does your dog affect both partners’ sleep patterns?
- Light sleepers may struggle with dogs that alert to environmental changes
- Poor sleep can affect mood and relationship interactions
- Dog hygiene (fur, dander, dirt) can impact sleep quality
Intimacy Considerations
- Dogs often prefer sleeping between owners for security
- Physical closeness between partners may be affected
- Importance of maintaining couple time and intimacy
- Need for establishing boundaries and rituals
Professional Tips from a Dog-Owning Couples Therapist
After 11 years of experience with multiple dogs, here are my top recommendations:
1. Pre-Pet Planning
Discuss expectations, boundaries, roles, and rituals with your partner before getting a pet. Understanding each other’s views on pet ownership is crucial.
2. Crate Training Benefits
- Provides structure and safety for dogs
- Offers flexibility for sleeping arrangements
- Helps with house training and behavior management
- Makes transitions easier for new dogs
3. Furniture Training
Teach your dog to ask permission before jumping on furniture, including your bed. This creates better control and reduces impulsive behavior.
4. Partner Priority
Respect your partner’s preferences about dogs on the bed. Remember that your partner’s comfort matters just as much as your dog’s.
5. Self-Reflection
When you find yourself prioritizing your dog’s preferences over your partner’s, it’s worth examining what that means about your own needs and relationship dynamics.
Remember, while this might seem like a simple decision about where your dog sleeps, it often reveals deeper patterns in how couples make decisions and prioritize their relationship. The key is finding a solution that works for both partners while maintaining a strong, healthy relationship.
