“I’m not responsible for your feelings” has become a popular mantra. And it has its place. What exactly is that place?
🔴 MY RESPONSIBILITY:
I am responsible for my interpretation of others’ words, facial expressions, body language, and actions. The thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and behaviors that I form without confirming another’s meaning or intent is my responsibility. Others do not cause me to feel a certain way; my interpretation of others’ words, events, and behaviors cause me to feel as I do, based on my personality, history, insecurities, attachment style, and internal dialog. My responsibility is be gently curious, confirming my interpretation or accepting its correction.
🔵 THEIR RESPONSIBILITY:
Others are responsible for their interpretation of my words, facial expressions, body language, and actions. The thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and behaviors that they form, without confirming my meaning or intent is their responsibility. I do not cause them to feel a certain way; their interpretation of words, events, and behaviors, based on their personality, history, insecurities, attachment style, and internal dialog, causes them to feel as they do. Their responsibility is to be gently curious, confirming their interpretation or accepting its correction.
🟣 OUR RESPONSIBILITY:
We are responsible for how we influence one another’s thoughts, beliefs, and feelings. Our word choices, facial expressions, body language, considerate or inconsiderate actions, tone, volume, fighting tactics, and toxic or protective interactions influence others. Our mutual responsibility is to govern our dialog and interactions in a way that is civil, considerate, respectful, kind, protective, even loving. For, when it comes down to it, how people “make us feel” is exactly why we choose to be in relationship with some people and not with others.
