Dear Dr. K,
I really like the idea of working intensively, but my partner has ADHD; I’m concerned that he wouldn’t be able to stay focused for an entire weekend and that shorter, weekly sessions might be best. I also can’t imagine he’d be able to complete a lengthy assessment like The BIG BIG Book©. Are we better off with a traditional couples therapy approach?
Thoughtfully Planning Ahead
Dear Thoughtfully Planning Ahead,
While your partner may find completing the BIG BIG Book© challenging, the structure we’ve set up for couples working over a weekend isn’t an issue for those who have ADHD or are neurodiverse.
In my clinical experience, this format is actually helpful, as it allows them to use one of their superpowers: hyperfocus.
Weekly Work
Those with ADHD face a series of challenges in weekly work. They have months’ worth of weekly sessions to schedule, and then they must remember to attend and get there on time.
In addition, many people with attentional skills have trouble remembering and processing the changing topics from week to week. The clinical space becomes familiar and loses its newness. The intensity of the work can never reach the attention-grabbing focus of longer sessions.
The Intensive Couples Therapy Option
This isn’t a problem with intensive couples therapy. They have one weekend to plan for. There is the excitement of travel and the newness of lodging and often the allure of a new city. These novelties assist the ADHD brain in focusing.
We also schedule adequate time for breaks and the conversation is usually extremely engaging.
They also need hands-on learning so that the skills sink in and become second nature. Weekly work simply can’t provide a long enough time period to make this type of experience possible.
Deadlines and the BIG BIG Book©
I must also tell you that the deadline that we will set for getting the BIG BIG Book© to us allows for those who struggle with deadlines. We have some flexibility (but don’t tell your partner!) Again, my clinical experience is that those with ADHD like the novelty of the BIG BIG Book©, and we make it easy to click on and click off the program so that they can work at their own speed.
Many do, however, hyperfocus and spend hours completing it, although that is by no means a requirement nor ideal. But it does get done.
Over the thousands of BIG BIG Book we’ve given to clients, only a tiny fraction of people did not complete them, and typically for issues other than cognitive or neurological reasons.
Thanks for writing.
Dr. K
